Ass-u-me Good Intent

I once worked for a mission-driven organization that was deeply committed to living by innovative and healthy practices. Not only did we develop a 10-year shared vision of our purpose, but we defined rules and principles by which we would operate. Co-founder Daniel Kim was fond of this core principle: Assume good intent.

Hmmm. What does that mean, assume good intent?

I know assume-ing anything makes an ass of you and me. So how can we assume others, especially those who drive us nuts (significant other/spouse, children, obnoxious co-workers) have good intent? What about those times when they push our hot buttons? How about that man who cut me off on the highway yesterday? Or that crotchety neighbor that glares every day when she gets her mail? Or how about that colleague at work that always interrupts when I’m in the midst of sharing a brilliant idea?

That person is trying to get out on top. They have an agenda. They think they know better. Or that they are more important. Or they might even be trying to deceive us or get ahead.

(In other words, we can assume that others have bad intent.)

Let’s admit it. As humans, we think of our own approach to the world is pure, rational, taking the high road. But if we all think that we individually have good intent, who are those other people who don’t share our pure hearts?

Being cautious of others—assuming a worst-case scenario—served us well when we were Neanderthals. At one time, it was wise to study that growling neighbor as he stood at your cave entrance, pointing his spear at your stomach.

But when today’s Neanderthal stands at your office door, how does our lizard brain know the difference? What might happen if we pause, and ask ourselves, “What is happening from this person’s point of view? What is going on in their world? Through what lens are they seeing their world?

Perhaps in the end, we will find that they too, want the best for us all.