Making Tough Choices: A or B?

Sometimes, you simply must choose.

Do I take the new job with greater pay but more travel? Do we use this day care or that one? Do I buy that new car or stay with my paid-off SUV? Do I stay in this tired relationship or go out on my own?

Two choices that are equally plausible make for the toughest decisions.

I remember once trying to choose between two jobs—they both offered growth opportunities, an increased salary, and a chance to step into new territory. After hemming and hawing about it, I created a pro and con list, so I would know what the two options had to offer. So, did that help?

Not really.

My detailed list did not point to a clear winner—the pros and cons lists were equally long.

So, I had to just go with my gut, which is often where I end up in these kinds of situations.

Physician Ben Carson once said that he often struggled how to make tough decisions when it meant life or death for a patient. But he would simply ask himself, “What’s the best thing that can happen if I take this action, and then what’s the worst thing that can happen?” And second, he asked himself, “What’s the best thing that can happen if I don’t do anything, and what’s the worst thing that can happen if I don’t do anything?”

Grueling decisions are difficult because they put us out of our comfort zone; they are hard to make. We may wish we weren’t even standing in choice. Or we may drag our feet in making the decision—rather than putting a stake in the ground, we’d rather stay in the undecided.

So, you can make a pros and cons list, you can think about what’s the best thing that could happen or the worst thing that could happen. But what else can you do?

You can ask yourself, “What is option C?”

What third option aren’t you even considering? Sometimes we get caught in either/or thinking—believing we only have two choices. I either stay in this toxic work environment and I suffer—or I leave. I go back to graduate school—or I don’t. But what is a third option that I am not considering?

Sometimes, challenging yourself to think about that third option can open up some new possibilities.

I remember when my son had to decide what language to study in 7th grade. We had to submit his choice to the junior high. He could choose French, Spanish, or Latin. Latin appeared to be out—who wants to study a dead language? After a few days of thinking about it, he said, “I’m going to take Spanish.”

“Okay,” I said. “Why Spanish?”

“Well,” he said, “at first I thought French, because if I’m going to be a hockey player, there are more French-speaking hockey players.” He had played hockey for four years but gave it up the year before to play football.

“But I am going to choose Spanish, because there are more baseball players who speak Spanish.”

That settled it. He was more likely to be drafted into the MLB than the NHL.

So, how do we make grueling decisions? Consider what option C is. Or even option D. What haven’t you considered? In a world that is most definitely not binary, what are some other options?

And then, in the end, make your choice in the way that is truest to you.

Make it by your heart.