You're Lucky If You Can See Your Reflection

I bought myself some tulips.

Why?

I could wait and see if my son or my partner or a BFF thought, “Kellie needs some tulips!” and install them on my kitchen counter.

Or I could just manifest them on my own.

So, I brought home some Tulipa Flamboyant. That is literally what they’re called. The brilliant red-orange nubs deserved to be purchased just because of their awesome name. And I’ve watched them open up over the last week.

It has taken me 50-ish years of living on the planet to figure out I don’t have to wait for someone else to manifest what I want in my life. I’m learning in fits and starts how to create it: the flowers, food, people, activities, work, and impact.

One example of this was on a big birthday. I had broken off a 5-year-not-very-functional relationship, and the thought of spending that milestone by myself was depressing. So, I reached out to a few friends, asking, “Want to come to my 40th birthday party?” And thus I arranged my own soirée.

I still remember where we went. Who was there. The laughing. The great food and wine. And I remember that I inspired it.

I know, it sounds kind of silly. But a friend said to me recently, “I’m going to be selfish on Easter because the gym is open from 7:00 to 10:00 am and so I’m going to tell my kids to sleep in so I can go.”

What small shred of that is selfish?

I thought it was brilliant self-care, not self-ish.

Many of us are super skilled at giving 110 percent. At beating ourselves into the ground. Especially those who work in the nonprofit sector, education, faith-based communities, or other giving industries with big heart jobs. We’re super skilled at giving the maximum when it’s for others who are in need. But when it comes to ourselves and self-care, we can be a bit on the lame side.

Clients sometimes tell me as they get in touch with what they want to create in life that they worry they will become too narcissistic. And I always say in return, “if you are worried about becoming self-centered, it already means you are not.”

Narcissus was known for his beauty. His mother was told he would have a long life only if he never recognized himself. But then he pined away at his own reflection and died.

There’s a lesson in that. But I think today, to have a truly long life, we must discover what makes us tick. What makes our heart sing. And who we need around us to connect with those parts of ourselves.

To have a truly long and meaningful life, we must recognize ourselves.

It may not mean staring for long hours at our reflection in a spring, but it certainly means creating micro moments in life that can bring us joy.