Meet My New Friend Disturbance

I have a new friend: Disturbance.

Disturbance is not exactly my type—this is not a kid I would choose from a classroom to hang out with. I prefer Order. Peace. Harmony.

But just like when you crave approval from the playground bully, I wanted to sidle up to Disturbance. To get into its head. To understand what makes it tick.

I was finishing a 14-day training series—over five weekends—8-hour days, all on Zoom. (Not sure my neural pathways have even recovered from that extended virtual meeting room.) But on one of the last days, we had to choose a MetaSkill to work with for the day.

The MetaSkills we had to choose from were things like Crazy Wisdom, Service, Non-Attachment, and Deep Democracy. We were practicing using one as a philosophy for the day—a “come-from” place.

I chose “Disturbance as Ally.” And I picked it because the concept of embracing disturbance was disturbing in and of itself.

They told us to add the MetaSkill to our Zoom name—which I didn’t really want to do. It was like having to partner up for a science experiment with that one kid in class who makes you bristle. I had a visceral reaction even to adding it to my name. Who wants to have Disturbance breathing down your neck?

But I acquiesced, put it in there, but with a vertical line between us (as in Kellie | Disturbance)—which if you want to know, is a handy tiny wall to give yourself virtual space when you need it.

So, what did making friends with Disturbance mean? It meant turning toward conflict. Embracing uncertainty. Saying “Bring it on, messiness!” Not trying to resolve awkwardness when it came up. Not worrying when I bumbled coaching in front of the group. Not getting annoyed when a discussion went on longer than I thought was needed.

Eight hours of sidling up to those things—even for the purpose of expansion and learning—was tiring.

I could tell I needed to run the circuit again. So, I stayed with Disturbance as Ally for day two.

But just like basic training, the more sit-ups and pushups you do, the stronger your abs get.

By the end of day two, I felt more comfortable hanging out with Disturbance. So, for the last day, I dumped it. This time, I chose Meta View. Welcome to a new wide angle lens on the world.

I had to start all over with my new friend.

What a “come-from” place that you might need to sidle up to? What would you need a virtual line in between? Maybe Ease. Imperfection. It could be Sitting Still.

As I’m heading off on a week of vacation out West, I’ve moved on too. I’m now making Slow Down my new buddy.