Stones

My son and I got into a conversation about life this week.

Sometimes he is like the old man of the sea, reflecting on life after 84 days without a fish.

He said, “Everyone has a backpack, and your life is like a mountain. As you move through, difficult things that happen to you are like rocks you have in your pack. One person’s climb up the mountain can therefore be harder than it is for another.

“When you get to the top, and everyone opens their backpack, you see that some have just a few stones. Someone else’s might be filled with teddy bears and fluff. But yours might be filled with stones.

“You all got there, you all had to climb. But in the end, it does no good to compare yourself to others, to see that their load has been light compared to yours. Your backpack is your backpack, and those are your stones.”

I told him that I loved this metaphor.

But I had questions.

“Why carry those stones all the way to the top? Can’t you put your pack down?”

“No, you can’t put your pack down. Those rocks are part of your experience, so you can’t pretend they aren’t there.”

I guess you can’t change those stones any more than you can change what happened to you.

“Well, maybe you can’t put the backpack down,” I said. “But can’t you transform your relationship with those rocks, so your backpack can feel lighter?”

“The rocks are still there…” he said.

“Yes, but they could feel different,” I replied.

“Hmmm….” he said.

I don’t think he bought it.

But I do.

Just like hiking, perhaps we must carry out what we carry in. And we might put in our pack other things we encounter along our journey. But I have to believe that we can transform our relationship with those stones in our pack.

Rocks change with heat and pressure. They crystallize. They erode, turn into sediment. They metamorphosize.

I like to think about organic weathering: when the roots of living plants break up and dissolve rock. That’s how we can change our own experiences, by deepening and strengthening our roots. We can do this by doing our work; by whatever it takes to be more grounded, and centered, and whole.

And that’s how we can impact how heavy our pack feels as we carry it up the path.

Sure, maybe there are no teddy bears or fluff. But Thoreau said, “I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than trees.”

I think that’s how we do it. We stretch beyond our experience. We help others with their own rocks. That’s how we lighten the load, so we can carry on.