The Stories You Tell Yourself

When I was divorced, my ex got the couch.

I got the loveseat.

It was a scratchy plaid monster. Ten years earlier I had thought it was comfortable. But it had since seen its share of Sponge Bob episodes and fruit snacks crushed between the cushions.

And when my son was about 12, he became all arms and legs. He grew a foot in about a week.

For a long time, I would walk with him in the mall, peering down and saying with authority, “No, I will not buy you one more Bionicle.” Then, suddenly we’re walking the same corridor in the same mall, and he’s looking back at me straight in the eyes. How did he get as tall as I am?

Eventually, the loveseat was no longer big enough for us and the cat.

Isn’t this always what happens? Just when we find something that fits perfectly, that we love and that is familiar, we think we’re golden. We cling to it—because we know it—even if it’s a few sizes too small.

I was at a training once where the facilitator had us draw a horizontal line on a piece of paper. And he said, “What does your higher self say to you? Write that above the line. And then, below the line, write what your lower self says to you.”

Such as:

I had great impact on my son and I’m learning to be a better parent all the time.

___________________________________________________________________________________

I was always stressed out. I should have spent more time with my son when he was young.

The facilitator encouraged us to focus above the line. What life-affirming beliefs can you add? What new stories might you tell yourself that are more helpful?

He also said, “I’m not interested in your lower self. In fact, I’m bored by it.”

LOL!

My lower self bores me too. It’s the one that tells me I should have gotten an MBA. I should be doing what that other person is doing on social media. Or I won’t ever write that best-selling book or win a Pulitzer.

This very human balance sheet can be a struggle. It is often bottom-heavy. Beliefs from our lower self come easily—they are the familiar mantras that we can rattle off like the pledge of allegiance.

“I’m not good at… or “I will never be able to...” or “I am not as good at X as…”

But it’s the life-affirming beliefs that will take us places. Those are what move us closer to passion and purpose. It’s that voice that brings us expansive energy and that propels us forward.

Our higher self has a clear and distinct voice, but we can let it get drowned out by the other.

And sometimes, that tired, discouraging, negative Nellie voice is just boring. Sometimes, we just need to get a colorful, new couch.