That Holiday Swing

This holiday season was rich with highs and lows.

Like a proverbial see-saw: ups and downs, and then ups again.

What were your highs and lows? For me, they were:

High: Five days in the sun in southwest Florida. Wood storks, white pelicans, anhinga, alligators, and the beach.

Low: Scheduling that MRI for my left shoulder, which has been troubling me since September.

High: Empty, spontaneous days for not-urgent activities. Cleaning out our basement, opening up subconscious space to breathe.

Low: Omnicron. My brother-in-law losing his son to COVID.

High: Stretches of quality time with my 24-year-old son.

Low: Remembering eggnog and sweet orange cup Christmases with extended family. Wondering where they all are and how they are doing.

High: Reading books, like Wintering by Katherine May. Learning that gluttony and hibernation are perfectly normal cycles of life.

Low: Watching David Attenborough’s A Life on the Planet, realizing Earth and many of its species are beyond bouncing back.

Such a see-saw of a holiday!

High: A day or two cranking through work projects preparing for the world to wake up on January 3.

But then Low: a couple of days that were the complete opposite.

Days where I did nothing but watch the Hallmark Channel and surf social media, both of which added dead ends in my grey matter.

One could get whiplash from such a ridiculous see-saw of idleness and productivity!

On the other hand, it was delightful. Morning after morning of not setting an alarm. Glorious stretches of time where one could do a lot, or one could do a lot of nothing.

Normally, by this time of a new year, I’ve already mapped out a word for 2022 and identified several new goals I want to hit.

This year, I haven’t done any of that. But I did sign up for a virtual webinar on New Year’s Day to set intentions and celebrate accomplishments.

But instead of going on Zoom, I decided to watch a movie.

And drink an IPA.

Apparently, this year, I’m slow on the uptake. I’m lagging just a bit.

But I sense that this swing is the natural circadian rhythm of today.

It’s been a draining time. Like the planet, we’ve all been a bit depleted. But as David Attenborough says, we mustn’t give up. We can find our wilderness again. We can rewild the world.

So how do I rewild me?

I’m sensing it’s to follow the circadian rhythm wherever it goes—to trust the light, and the dark. To have grace for myself. To know that some days I will feel on top of the world and other days I may not want to crawl out of bed. And all of it is okay.

Nisargadatta Maharaj said, “Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.”

I am nothing. I am everything. And between the two is where life hangs out.

So, all we have to do is transform our relationship to that swing. Be in the swing between the two.

There is something here, in this space between nothingness and expansiveness. Where those two intersect—that’s where the wildness is. That’s where we come alive.