Chasing Gerbils

Ever try to catch a gerbil running through your house?

Those little suckers are fast.

Melody Beattie tells a story in her book The Language of Letting Go about a time when her son brought a gerbil home. The gerbil happily lived in a comfy cage for a while. But one day, it got out. And it ran free throughout their house for six months! The family tried and tried to catch it, but every time they lunged after it, the gerbil would scramble under a piece of furniture or hide behind a wall.

One day—as Melody dove after it for the hundredth time—she suddenly stopped herself. She found herself saying, “I’m all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I’m going to let it. I’m done worrying about it. I’m done chasing it.”

It took her a while to settle in to her new approach. She had to work on becoming comfortable with not chasing the gerbil.

What happened?

One day, the gerbil did its regular scurrying by, and she ignored it. When the gerbil noticed she didn’t lunge after it, it stopped in its tracks and stared at her.

Still, Melody didn’t try to grab it.

So, an hour later, the gerbil came back, stood at her feet, waiting, until Melody picked it up and placed it gently in its cage. And it lived happily ever after in its home from that point on.

This story resonates for me.

I’ve done my own share of lunging after gerbils.

My son, for example—he’s one of my favorites. He’s 25, out of the house, and he’s basically a moving target. His father and I joke about how he's hard to pin down. I try to get him to commit to coming over for dinner for example, or going out to a movie on a certain day. But he usually wants to see what else is out there in that great big world that he can explore first. And then he'll come if it's his best option.

Or, if I text him and he doesn’t respond, I can sometimes chase him for days until I hear from him.

(What finally gets him is when I write, ARE YOU ALIVE? Then, he comes to find me.)

But I am not really good at waiting. At sitting in that pause and being disciplined about it.

He was far easier to catch and hold close when he was little. But now, he is one grown-up soul with has his own thoughts, his own plans, and his own ideas about how he wants to live out his life.

What gerbil might you be lunging after?

What thing in your life might you be overreacting to?

Chasing gerbils is like that arcade game Whack-a-Mole. When the moles pop up, you pounce. You try to get them all before the game is over. But it’s incredibly stressful. Whack-a-Mole is about managing the circumstances we are facing in our day-to-day lives.

It's like back when I worked in operations for a large non-profit. I used to say it was like being nibbled to death by ducks. Constant challenges that you try to manage—before they manage you.

But what if instead of managing our circumstances, we try to lead instead?

To me, this is about connecting with my own inner leader. With peace. With finding stillness. Finding joy, no matter what gerbils are running through the house.

Let them go.

Run, gerbils, run.