This or Better

My theme for 2023: This or better.

The idea is to honor what’s amazing in life so far—what you have today (this)—but at the same time, remain open to what might be to come (better).

I love my this.

What's here now. What I have. Who I am (for the most part).

But I'm open to what might be better.

You may feel like you already have it pretty good. Or at least what feels that way. But the ceiling of possibility is limitless. Even with meaningful work, solid wages, a roof over your head, and a loving family and friends who support you, what else might show up to surprise you?

A few years ago, I remember telling Frank, the owner of a local bagel shop, that I wouldn’t have one of his double-chocolate-chip muffins even though they looked amazing, simply because of how high they were in calories. It was the new year at the time, and I was trying to be good. 

Frank responded, “I don’t understand you American women about food. Where I grew up in Russia, we had no food. We ate whatever we could get our hands on.” 

“Ahh,” I said, immediately feeling spoiled. 

“All I remember,” he added, “was opening the refrigerator and it was totally empty. The only thing in there was the butter container. It never had any butter in it, but my mother left it in there anyway. I have to ask her why she did that,” he said. 

Frank insisted on giving me one of his muffins and having me try it. But he grilled it first. And it was warm, buttery, and oh-soooo-good.

I must admit: The “this” in my this-or-better world is pretty darn good.

I can pay for and get the food I need. I have work I love in this crazy privileged country of ours. I am a white person who has benefited from systems oriented to help me to thrive. I am fortunate enough to have an excellent education and supportive friends and family. I see the privilege I have. But still, I have always wanted more. 

Not just for me, but for those around me.

So, this year, I am going to continue doing what I am doing, but with a this or better perspective. This lens is what coaching is all about. Coaching is all about this or better. 

I’ll keep at my work in the non-profit sector, helping to elevate systems and structures and to strengthen communities. I will hold the idea of This or better for my consulting clients. This impact we have—or better. These funds we have raised—or better. This support for those we serve—or better. 

This or better for all of those suffering in the world who I don’t even know.

That day with Frank in the coffee shop, I finished my muffin and coffee quickly, thinking about my calendar full of meetings. But I was also thinking about that empty butter container in his mother's fridge. Before I left, I called to him as he stood at the grill. 

“Frank,” I said, “Remember that container?"

He looked back at me.

“Maybe your mother kept that container in the fridge just for the hope of butter.” 

And he smiled.

I suppose that we might say This empty butter container—or better.

What intention do you hold for 2023? What are you wishing will be better, and for whom?