Free Spirit Enters, Stage Left

I have been practicing being a free spirit.

It sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?

I was in a 3-day training recently where we were instructed to think, “What is a quality you are NOT that you want to be more of?” We then worked with that quality for the duration of the sessions.

People chose a variety of things: a good listener, assertive, agreeable, curious, and so on. I chose free spirit.

I facilitate strategic planning and board governance work for non-profits. I am the one running meetings, making sure the group is on track, that all voices are heard, that materials are produced as needed. I’m a pleaser and a planner who is addicted to Outlook and ToDoist.

Being a free spirit in that space seems paradoxical.

My son Duncan taught me a lot about this quality. He would put the couch cushions on the floor and show me how to jump from one to the other, hopping from rock to rock to avoid the sharks in the water. Or when he was supposed to be getting ready for his bath, I would find him instead hollering out the window, “Hi-ho the derry-o, you!” to our dogs or some passersby.

So, there I was, in a workshop, trying to be like my kid. What does that look like?

Once when we went into breakouts, as everyone showed up, I yelled, “Hello, new people!” When the leaders didn’t tell us when lunch break was going to be, and didn’t put the timer on to tell us how much time was left in the breakout rooms, I tried to think about other things.

Secretly, I was grateful when a colleague pointed out that knowing break times would be helpful to the group.

The kicker was at the end of the first day. Some participants had to role play in a group coaching process. As a non-free spirit, I detest role playing. And by default, I ended up being stuck in a role that I didn’t have the energy to do. I didn’t have the energy to perform.

But what could I do? I wasn’t going to leave the meeting. So, I gave in. I said to myself, “I’ll just show up, do the thing, and all will be well.” I didn’t worry about doing it right, or getting it perfect. I stopped fussing, and just did it.

The result? A powerful coaching experience for me and for the group. I felt grounded, connected, and calm. I was totally open and curious about where we would land.

The funny thing is, it was only afterwards that I realized in my desperation, I had pushed aside my obsessive, compulsive performer self in favor of my free spirit. I let the free spirit have the reins. She didn’t necessarily take the reins—because free spirits don’t do that. She just showed up.

I have much to learn and practice with this girl. I put a sticky note on my monitor that says “FREE SPIRIT” just so I remember to call on her when I need her.

On my son’s first day as a senior in high school, he wore a white sweatshirt with a giant lemur face on it and an outback hat on his head. And he went to a Catholic school where they wore uniforms.

I said to him, “Why are you dressed like that?” and he just shrugged and smiled.

Hmmm. I’m not sure I will take it that far, but we will see if an animal shows up on my sweatshirt next.